Why am I the one?

For over a year, FUN's Some Nights album was the soundtrack to my life. It lived in my car, I sang along with all my heart to every single song. When I was a teenager there was Alanis' Jagged Little Pill. Some Nights became my (slightly-more-than-) quarter-life-crisis album of choice. Every single song spoke to me in one way or another. It was as though the songs were written about me and my journey.

One song stood out.

Or go on, go on, go on, if you were thinking that the worst is yet to come
Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?
For once, for once, for once I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong.
Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?


I'd sing along and tears would fall. I never thought there'd be a day when I could sing along to that line: For once, for once, for once I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong - and truly mean it ever again.

When we lived in England, I loved it. It wasn't even a whole decade, but it is what I consider home, not in the sense that my family is there, but in the sense that my soul belongs there.

However, I always felt slightly like a fraud saying that. It was hard to fit in and truly make it into what it would be if I did grow up there. And there was always the fact that I sounded different that was a constant reminder that while I feel like I belong there, I don't quite.

Then we moved to Malta, the place I spent 23 years of my life. It should have been easy and yet I felt more like the outsider than ever. It's hard to explain. Small island mentality was something I had eagerly left behind. I couldn't bring myself to switch back. People no longer got me. I was very often the weird one with strange "foreign" ideas, and a very different sense of humour.

(If you're lost and alone, or you're sinking like a stone... 
Carry on.)

And then there was Dubai. And already, a month in, it feels like I might be singing along to that line in complete agreement for some time to come.

For once, I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong.

3 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you, Clare! I still have to find the place where I belong, as you know. I hope to find it one day and to sing along with you. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope, for your sake, that you do too... and soon. The feeling is a good one xxxx

      Delete
  2. Am returning to blogging and happened on your post. Had to comment. Like you I lived for a time in England, eight years. Met my Maltese husband, had our first child. It did feel very much like ' home' to me, then we moved to Malta, which was not easy at the start but after some years it became familiar and very nearly ' home', now we have stepped away- gone north and it is a process of reflecting and enjoying a very different place. Am glad to hear you are happy in Dubai.

    ReplyDelete

Penny for your thoughts, my dear...

Receive Updates by Email